


The Note

by Croatoanvirus2014



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Croatoanvirus2014/pseuds/Croatoanvirus2014
Summary: Monty finally brings himself to read the note that Jasper left for him.





	The Note

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a shit ton of angst with a happy memory or two thrown into this. i'm so sorry.
> 
> Now available to read in russian thanks to ShadowMolni: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5611719/14427887

            Monty took the note out of his pocket. He had found a letter with his name on it in Jasper’s handwriting. He hadn’t read it at the time, couldn’t bring himself to do it. He still had to hold onto hope that he could convince Jasper to not go through with the death that he so desperately wanted. But now, with Jasper dead and him being back on the Ark, it seemed like an appropriate time to finally read the note. Monty poured himself some water, _though moonshine would be more appropriate,_ and sat down by the starboard window bay. He gulped as he started to read the note, still not wanting to know what all it said, but needing to finally give himself some closure.

            _Monty,_ it started. He could feel tears already threatening to spill from his eyes.

            _By the time you read this letter, I’ll be dead._ He wanted to laugh, because it was true, but Jasper had died quite a while after writing that letter.

            _Yeah, I know you’re probably crying right now, and I’m sorry. I really am. You made me want to hold on for so long, but you couldn’t have saved me even if you had tried._ Monty started to blink rapidly, trying to hold the tears back so they wouldn’t stain the letter.

            _Seriously, don’t blame yourself for this like I know you will for the rest of eternity, okay? I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t want to be saved just so I could die in a fiery death wave, or have to watch more people I love suffer or die and I just couldn’t take it anymore._ Monty shook his head and sighed.

            _And even if everybody did survive, nobody would really be living. It wouldn’t be fun, it would be awful, with strict rules and people trying to tell us how to live every day of our lives. I couldn’t handle the thought._ Monty wished that he wasn’t right about that part.

            _Even back on the Ark, we still had so many moments where I felt alive, even with all the strict rules. I mean hey, the Ark sucked at times, but I’d give anything to be back there instead of stuck on the ground._ Monty took a deep breath, trying to hold himself together, but he couldn’t. He placed the letter down for a moment and buried his head in his hands. He could feel tears dripping down his cheeks. If only Monty had known back then that there was a way they could’ve been back on the Ark. If only Jasper had survived for long enough to know that no, they weren’t stuck on the ground and they could’ve gone back to their home, where they grew up together and made so many memories together. The Ark suddenly felt too large, and much too empty. Monty read on.

            _Remember all those times that we would just get baked and play “on which planet would you rather?”_ That line made Monty smile. Those memories were now bittersweet, a reminder of what could’ve been. They were so innocent back then, with so much hope and blissful ignorance about everything that was going on around them. All they worried about back then was getting caught stealing weed.

            _How dumb we were to always choose earth, you know? I mean, if we played it now, our answers would probably be way different. Maybe we’d choose Mars, or maybe we would choose no planet at all, but instead just choose space._ Monty could practically hear Jasper’s voice while reading the letter. It was a small comfort that even though Earth had changed all of them so much, Jasper still managed to make him smile even after he had died. That was one thing he always loved about him: his ability to keep his sense of humor even in the face of tragedy, even if it could be inappropriate at times. And yeah, maybe it was just his way of coping, but it was still something so admirable.

            _I miss that game, I really do. Wish I could’ve stayed around just long enough to play it with you one last time, you know? Hell, afterwards maybe we could’ve even made out while stoned like we used to, before I met Octavia and then Maya and before you got all interested in Harper. I hope she stays with you for a long time, and that she makes you happy, I really do._ In reality, he and Harper had been perfectly fine for the first few weeks up in space, but recently they had been drifting apart a bit. Still, no relationship was perfect, and Monty was determined to not give up on them so easily. Monty wished he hadn’t given up on him and Jasper so easily, but what was he to do when Jasper fell head-over-heels in love with the one and only Octavia Blake, the girl he had only seen once before at a masquerade ball and then truly met on Earth? Besides, he had always just wanted to see Jasper happy, even if it couldn’t be with him.

            _I know we had our fights for a while, and I know I was a dick to you. I was. And still, you forgave me._ Monty knew that in reality, he would always forgive Jasper, no matter what. They were closer than just best friends. If Monty had believed in the concept of soul mates, that’s what he would’ve called them. It was like some force in the universe had pulled them closer and closer to each other every day until they finally had met at the age of four years old. Monty’s first memory he had held onto was falling down and scraping his knee, and while he was crying, another boy had come over to him. The boy had told him that it was okay, and that he would go get him a bandaid to “make it all better.” He came back with one a few minutes later and gave him a kiss on his knee, “like my mommy does when I get hurt,” and then put a bandaid over top of the scrape. Monty had wiped his tears away and smiled at the boy, who said that his name was Jasper.

            “I’m gonna call you Jas’, kay?”

            “Okay,” Jasper had agreed. From then on, Monty couldn’t remember a moment where Jasper wasn’t by his side. It pained him that now he had memories without him included in them.

            _Thank you, for staying by me all of this time. You didn’t have to, but you did anyways. I love you. I always have and I always will. I love you so much. And not just as a friend. I’m sure you know that. I know that you thought you could help me, and I love how hopeful you are. It’s just one of the many things that I love about you._ Monty knew that the note was coming to an end, and almost didn’t want to read the last words Jasper had written, knowing that once he did, he really, truly, wouldn’t hear any more words from him, even if the current ones he could only hear in his head. He knew it was going to be painful. He set the letter down to take a few sips of water, mentally preparing for the end.

            _I hope you live out a wonderful life, even if it has to be without me. See you on the other side. –Jasper._ Monty broke down, sobbing inconsolably. The last memory he had of his friend came rushing back. The pleading to let him help him, the desperate look in Jasper’s eyes as he begged Monty to tell him that he loved him, the way he could feel Jasper’s body go lifeless. It was all too much. He set Jasper’s letter on the edge of the starboard window bay, and sat there for hours, watching the sky.


End file.
